I want to start by apologizing, this is an interesting post but it isn’t packed with actionable tips as I usually try to have in my articles.
This article is based on some thinking I was doing this summer about good deeds.
Many times I have heard that there is no truly selfless good dead, everything we do is because it in some way can benefit us.
Helping another is done because it makes us feel happy, my blog which does help a lot of people (based on the emails I get) does bring me a lot of happiness, prosperity and opportunities to improve myself.
Up to about 3 weeks ago I hadn’t been able to identify any truly selfless good deed.
But I couple weeks ago I realized, there is one thing that can be considered a selfless good deed; I was just falling to sleep when it hit me.
I had to get up in the middle of the night and write it down, Empathy is a truly selfless deed.
Showing someone caring and doing it with true intention to help and understand another puts your feelings out there as well, you feel the pain of the other in an attempt to help.
When showing empathy you feel what the other feels, you put yourself in their shoes, live their pain, their happiness, their hopes, their worries and you feel with them. This is the greatest gift you can give and it is a gift that is all for the others sake.
By showing true empathy you can change someone’s life.
In my life story I have shared that I was bullied as a child, what saved me was when I found a couple friends who liked me, cared and stood up for me. They didn’t do it for their sake; they did it because they are genuinely good and wanted to help. They heard and saw my pain and saved me from more.
In this case they got a friend for life so it wasn’t completely selfless but their first act was completely selfless helping me when I needed it.
You can do the same, it doesn’t have to be much; Listen to someone, let them tell you about their lives, do something extra to help someone, show them that you care.
Save someone’s life and you can be a hero, at least in the life of one.
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I don’t know Daniel…this is a really interesting topic and I’m not sooooo sure that even helping someone being bullied hasn’t a morsel of feel good ego about it.
I often helped out under dogs being bullied at school, I did it without thinking and now I’m older I have come to know that that is simply who I am….And yet…whilst I didn’t stop and think about what I would get from helping, I can’t help thinking that an ounce of me would have felt terrible later if I HADN’T helped (all subconscious thoughts mind you) – so maybe that is what motivated me, although I know that is probably about 2% of the reason.
I guess I’m questioning as you did whether there really is a truly selfless act we perform that has no kickback to us whatsoever…and I’m not so sure there is.
A mothers selfless love? Well she had the child because SHE wanted the child for her own reasons. Ego, societal pressure, cultural pressure, to keep a man, to see her genes reflected in another human being…
Mother Theresa? She had her reasons for her actions, one at least was to honour her faith.
Even when I do things incognito for people, I get pleasure and a kick out of it, a perfectly reasonable exchange but 100% selfless?
So I’m not so sure. Very, very interesting though.
Hey Pea,
It is an interesting thought, isn’t it?
You can really go round and round on it. I don’t know if we are truly selfless but I think empathy is as close as you can come.
Interesting approach.But then again,in the example you mentioned,those kids that helped you out,felt that it was WRONG for someone to be treated like that.In my oppinion,its not only their empathy.Its also that their inner self couldnt stand that and so they stood against this unfair situation and i m sure they actually felt better in a way.
To be honest,i havent been able for a long time to find a selfless good deed.One that it doesnt make you feel good in any ways.No matter what comes to my mind,there is always something that will make you feel better somehow.
As for empathy,is it really categorized as a “good deed” or as a natural feeling? Psychologically speaking,its something that is inside of you actually.Empathy is the part that you can understand and place yourself in the position of the other person.However,helping him out (ex. advise him or simply listen to him so he can express him/herself etc),is seperated from the meaning of empathy.
I know what you mean when you say “real empathy”.But as pea mentioned above,you get satisfaction even in a small amount.You feel good when the other person feels good after you ve helped him.Not so much because of what you did rather than the fact that he/she feels better.
In conclusion,since you actually feel good after,doesnt that oppose to “selfless”?…
ps.sorry for actually unearthing the post,but i found it interesting enough to devote my time and reply.I would be interested to see a reply after all that time (since the post of this article).Maybe you ve come up with something different?! =)
guess what…something occured to me right when i was going to sleep as well..!
Whats your oppinion on forgiveness? And by forgiveness i mean,to really forgive someone that did a terrible thing,but not because you wanna be around with him anymore.Just to give a nice closure for him/her so he/she wont feel guilty and live with terrible regrets and qualms.You cant really forgive him of what he did,but being bigger than that yourself,you end up forgiving or stating that you do so.Perhaps you will feel a little good about that, you might say,but think about it.Its really close to a selfless good deed in my oppinion.
ex. Consider yourself a grown up man with a family.You have a kid which a drunk driver hits with his car and kills it.I dont think you can feel any good by forgiving the driver actually.I mean…he did a terrible thing that harmed you so much and there is nothing he can do to make up.However you end up stating to that man that you forgive him (whether you actually do or not).That is a deed,a good one and really you dont give much of a *** about it.However you do it.
Hope you get my point
All in all,as i stated before, there always will be a “catch”, where you will feel in some way good and therefor the whole “selfless” thing falls apart by definition.The important thing is to find the meanings closer to that..
How about all the deeds that you may do out of “obligation” or due to your empathy(!) for someone,without wanting at all AND you also end up doing them incognito!? thats close as well… You do something you never get credits or recognition,plus its something that you dont want to do.
but now i see that there are a lot of things that are close to “selfless” good deeds actually and the circle gets wider and wider…
Whats your oppinion? =)