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Seeing the truth about you is a difficult exercise. Seeing your faults and your short comings is hard for anyone to accept. The Ego has a very hard time accepting anything negative about yourself.
But if you don’t it will cause you a lot of problems down the line.
If you can see what you need to improve a lot of the problems you are facing will start to dissolve. All your problems start with you, so if you change, your problems will change as well.
If you face your short comings it will change you
What is interesting is that just realizing what you do wrong changes you. You start to view yourself differently and you start to look at the world with a different set of eyes.
Easily Annoyed
I have always had a bit of a temper problem.
If I am tired or hungry I can very quickly get annoyed and angry. This is a fault I share with thousands of others, but it doesn’t make it, or my actions, excusable.
I used to flare up very easily and verbally assault people around me if I felt that they were being stupid or annoying.
When I first confronted this problem it was hard for me to accept. I didn’t want to realize that I was doing anything wrong. I always had reasons for my feelings!
But when I finally got past the initial struggle I started to realize that it was my decision if I was going to get grumpy or if I would try to stay as happy as possible.
If doesn’t make me feel better when I get angry at people and it doesn’t help my relationships with them.
In a logical order it is therefore better for me to just shut up if I am feeling too angry to participate civilized in a discussion.
The more I have focused on it the better I have become at keeping that annoyance at bay.
Seeing your faults lets you fix them
The larger issue is that if you do not know what you are doing wrong you will not be able to fix it.
Staring yourself in the mirror and accepting what you see is the first step on the path to improvement.
Think about all you have accomplished so far
Just because you aren’t perfect doesn’t mean you aren’t pretty good. It is just a chance to become even better.
To soothe your ego and make it easier to accept your faults, write down everything you have done well and that you are proud of. Take that list with you on your mission to improve, keep it as a safety blanket, proof that you, even though you aren’t perfect, are pretty good.
Think about your failures
It is when we fail we have a chance to learn, but only if we ask ourselves why we failed.
If you do you will find things you can improve on and find some of your short comings, it is a good place to start.
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
1. Why did I fail?
2. Was it in anyway my fault?
3. What did I do? Or didn’t do that caused this?
The answers to these questions should lend you considerable insight into yourself and shed light on the areas you need to improve.
It is okay to fail, as long as you learn.
This can be a depressing exercise, but if you can learn from it you will come out stronger and proud of yourself.
Constantly improving is the key to success. You have the opportunity to make your next endeavor that much more successful.
Start making change – 3 steps to take
1. Accept that you aren’t perfect today, that there are areas to improve.
2. Start identifying the areas that you could be better in.
3. Take action and start improving, slowly, but surely.
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Photo Credit: Hatchibombotar
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Daniel,
I love this: Just because you aren’t perfect doesn’t mean you aren’t pretty good.
Speaks to the perfectionist in me for sure! Perfectionists don’t enjoy failure, but as you said, failure instructs but we do tend to get stuck on the failure part!
Great article Daniel!
Lori
Hi Lori,
I was just telling a friend of mine about one of my own failures that has taught me almost everything I know about running a business.
When I was 14 I had a great idea for a business but didn’t have the guts to go after it. About 4 years later I started up the company, but still didn’t go full out and didn’t dare invest money in it, only time.
This caused it to fail, miserably. But I learned lots about marketing, leading, delegating, risks and so on.
Sure, had it gone well I would easily be a millionair now. But if I went back in time with the knowledge I have today it would have worked.
In other words, I have the knowledge and the skills to be a millionair!
That is why I don’t consider failure, failure, I consider it a very valuable lesson.
Perhaps one of the reasons why 360-feedback has become so popular and so effective when done well. A really good 360 process obtains rich behavioral examples, provides common themes and provides the basis for better conversations about self-insight and what positive change might look like to others.
Good point Marc.
The more insight you get into yourself the better decisions you will be able to make in the future.
Hi Daniel,
This is great, thank you. Learning to fail, fail small and big and fail a lot is the key to learning, improving and development. One of the things that works for me in this area (it is a work in progress) is to develop a culture of failure in another area of my life and in doing so it helps me learn about other things in other areas of my life. What I mean is that I am a keen rock climber and resolve to fail a lot at the climbing wall (a safe environment) as a way of helping me get better and be able to tackle more and better things when I go and climb outdoors. It has also helped me see how I can improve and learn in other areas of my life.
Thanks again for a great post,
Adrian
Good point Adrian.
I would not call it a culture of failure myself. But the point is great, challenge yourself when it is safe to fail so that you are as strong as possible when you are in situations when failure isn’t an option.
Awesome post Daniel,
Sure, have the believe that you are not perfect and start working on the areas you are good at. Outsource for your weakness and keep doing your best. Thanks so much for sharing!
I do get angry when I’m hungry
Hey Samuel,
Great to have you back and commenting
Sadly most of us get angry when hungry. It is something we have to work on, it doesn’t make it okay.
What steps have you taken to improve on your weaker points?
Well Daniel, let me start by saying how perfect I am and the faults are not mine as my mirror is broken in my house
This is a tough one to work on. A very good mirror is the enneargram. I have found it really valuable. If you have not had a look at it, definitely worth it. It may just explain the anger.
Cheers
Michae;
Hey Michael.
Staring your faults in the face is difficult and most people cannot accept them.
The ones who can face them grow and usually become the most successful people in society.
Daniel,
Great post buddy! I’m a true fan of this way of thinking.
I love how your title “Seeing the Truth About Yourself’” implies something. If we are to see our own faults, as you’ve pointed out, we must first be willing to look for them.
Once we shed the light of our consciousness upon them, they shrink. But I love the idea of soothing our ego, to better allow this to happen.
First time here, I’ll be back!
Thanks a lot Jason.
I am glad you enjoyed the post and I look forward to seeing you again
Hi Daniel, thanks Daniel. I like “It is ok to fail”. the reason for this is that then it means you are trying. If you never fail you aren’t moving forward. A deep thank you for the reminders. have a wonderful day.
Debbie
Hey Debbie,
I have seen this myself many times. Failure teaches so much, in many ways a failure is better than success. As long as you learn from the failures and see that you need to improve.
Hey Daniel – This was an awesome post and I love how you said “It is okay to fail, as long as you learn.”
I feel the same way about it. I use to view failure as permanent. If I fail then what ever I failed at is doomed. But now, I’ve matured so much man. I see failure as a course, a study, something to learn from…something that brings me closer to success.
Great article man – can’t wait for the next one!
Hey JK,
Thanks for the kind words.
I was the same, my first company I started had the potential to make me a very, very rich man. But it tanked.
At first I was so angry, and sad, about the failure. But that was before I realized how much I had learned. If I could go back today and start that company again it would work and I would be a millionaire.
To me this just means, I have the potential to become a millionaire, no more no less, now I just have to act on my knowledge.
Hi Daniel – I love your tip about writing down everything you’ve done that you are proud of. I play the piano and I’ve been learning some very difficult keys. It’s hard not to sound like a failure when music I’m just practicing, just learning, is hanging out there for all to hear. But I also know that I play many genres of music, in many keys, extremely well. This would be one of the things I’m proud of.
If I didn’t practice, I’d never, ever, learn those challenging keys. And, as I learn them a whole new world opens to me. It’s ALL about taking action! Excellent post.
~Theresa
Hey Therese,
That is a great example, of trying and improving.
Really I think we use the word failure to much.
It doesn’t have to be a failure if we don’t succeed, it is a lesson.
You are learning the piano, you cannot fail, just learn more.
Daniel, great post bud and love seeing so many people here joining the discussion.
What’s cool about this is the fact that you freely admit that you had your faults before, you saw them for what they were, and have done something about it. So few people actually ever achieve this realization.
Great job bud, you’re making it happen.
Marcus
Great seeing you Marcus
It is hard to see our own faults, and I am sure I haven’t seen all of mine yet.
But taking the decision to make a change is the first step to seeing that change.
//Daniel